I AM MORE THAN WORTHY
IN THE BEGINNING.....
My name is Sara. I was adopted at the age of five. There are a lot of questions for me about this because I have heard so many stories but the truth has yet to be told. My father took me from my mom when I was about 3 or 4. He ended up in Las Cruces NM with me. A police officer took me from him . I went to live with the police officer for a week and then he gave me to my now adopted parents.
At first I thought everything was great. I thought I was wanted and had a family. I was wrong. The abuse started less than a year after the adoption was final and didn't end. Verbal and physical. Until this year I was constantly trying to please them to "make my self worthy".
My biological parent died. My mother when I was 16 and father when I was in my 20's. My adoptive parents sent me to my bio moms funeral all the way in Louisiana alone. To a family I didn't know.That's when I realizes someone did love me. Someone did want me and she was dead. My bio sister always tells me how much mom talked about me and how much she loved me and how she thought I was doing so well. I have yet to meet my fathers family in person but I've talked to them on the phone
They seem really nice. I'm still trying to find myself and where I fit in. I'm still trying not to be bitter about being given to people I feel never wanted or loved me. The upside? I learned to never be like them. I learned to care about others and do all I could to be the exact opposite of what I knew growing up. I have a long way to go and a lot of abuse to work through but I think I'm finally in a place to do so.
So I guess it starts now. Looking back I remember certain things like a little boy I used to hang out with while our dads did drugs. He told me that my dad killed his dad. I remember it so clearly. He was screaming at me. I remember being sexually abused by a friend of my dad. To this day I cant stand the smell of baby powder. When I was "found" I was 5 and in a room with 5 guys. Don't remember what was going on but I know it wasnt good. No one can give me a straight answer on how or why I was adopted. The story The police officer told me doesnt match any records I can find. I feel like it was all a cover up of some kind. I went to live with J and P and it was abusive almost from the start. P used to abuse me all of the time. A year after the adoption was finally I was living with foster parents due to her abuse. And each time I was given back to her. She would say if i would tell about the stuff she did then she wouldnt even hug me. The abuse never stopped I just stopped telling. It never seemed to do any good and always made things worse. I no longer speak to P and J and my bio parents are dead. My bio dad has a brother I am getting to know, but its slow. I just don't trust anyone. I don't feel like I belong to any family. I feel like a mistake. Its so hard to be adopted. Its so hard to be adopted by people who only want to use and abuse you. I am in therapy and getting better! J and P wont win!