TURNING A BLIND EYE TO NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IN ADOPTION- Flying Monkeys

Guest author, Denise Miller speaks regarding narcissistic abuse in adoption.  There are things that need to be clarified regarding hidden abuse.  Denise helps us identify the behaviors of narcissistic, abusive people.  

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Narcissists are people who use and manipulate others for personal gain, and feel little to no remorse for harm done. They operate on the belief that they are superior and are entitled to what belongs to others.  Flying monkeys are the people narcissists train up to be loyal to them and have bought into their twist on the truth (lies), specially tailored to suit their desires.  They assist the narcissist in perpetuating their selfish agenda by helping the narcissist abuse their scapegoats (those the narcissist takes advantage of), and also help mitigate their consequences. They keep the narc's toxic secrets.

HOW FLYING MONKEYS AID THE ABUSER

Flying monkeys are loyal to the narcissist, won through years of hoovering. Hoovering is special attention and praise heaped upon the golden child (their favorite) and the flying monkeys that make them feel "special" and "superior" to the scapegoats.  Flying monkeys don't care if the narcissist is right or wrong, has done good, or evil. Their goal is to protect and assist the narcissist in their selfish agenda and keep their secrets.  They help the narcissist abuse their victims, and so are equally toxic.

Flying monkeys and their golden child are brainwashed and conditioned with "treats", special attention, gifts, and honors doled out by the narc when they are being " good", that is, playing along with the narc.  I don't know about any of you, but if you have ever dealt with or been taken by a narcissist, you learn their ways and see through it.

​As for myself, my loyalty always lies with the truth of what is right, and what is wrong. I will not protect or enable abuse no matter how much I love the person abusing, nor will I cover for them.  I will confront and correct them to protect those they abuse.  Beware, if you confront a narcissist, you will see what we call an episode of narcissistic rage. Their mask falls off and they go in to kill mode, to try and eliminate the threat to their narcissistic agenda. They'll unleash their flying monkeys on you.

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IF THE NARCISSIST IS CHALLENGED

If they feel that their golden child or flying monkeys are distancing themselves, they'll up their hoovering. They'll give them more treats, special attention, praise, and gifts to buy their loyalty back.  They seem incapable of empathy or the humility necessary to make a genuine apology and make amends for wrongdoing.  They will minimize their offences and tell you are overreacting, or are "crazy' for being appropriately upset for what they've done to you. This is their way of trying to discredit and silence their victims.

What they want more than anything else is to silence their victims. If they talk, it may make the narc look bad (because they are bad), and the narc is proud and all about public appearances.  If an apology is offered, it will be minimal, just enough to buy your cooperation so the game can continue and their consequences are mitigated.
It is not sincere. Once you've been successfully brought back to the fold via hoover, and fall in line, they'll start up again.

If an apology is sincere, it will be accompanied with humility, appropriate remorse, and sincere attempts to change and make amends.  But narcissists don't want to change, they just want what they want and will do what they must to get or maintain it.  Lies and emotional manipulation techniques are their tools.  They hate the truth. Truth is the biggest threat to their agenda, which was secured through deception.  If you want to identify a narc, just follow their trail of lies and broken promises.  If you want to piss off a narc, tell the truth.
Narcs seem constitutionally incapable of telling the truth, feeling empathy for their victims, or true humility.  Such is the nature of a narcissist.

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NARCISSISM IS A PERSONALITY DISORDER

Narcissism is considered a personality disorder because it is a long standing pattern of behavior that is resistant to change.  Chances are they won't change.  They feel entitled to use and abuse people for personal gain. Their sense of entitlement and selfishness is what earned them the name narcissists, as they look lovingly at their own reflection and at no one else. A narc will withdraw their "love" and their hoover/treats if you cease to play along with their agenda. It's called "discard". They have no further use for you because you aren't giving them what they want. You are dumped.  If they really loved you, they'd love you no matter what, and would want what is best for you.  They don't. They don't want what is best for you. They want what best for themselves.

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