THEY WILL NEVER TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME

In the 34 year span of my life, I've had my boundaries constantly violated, I've had anything good that happened to me, my achievements, accomplishments stripped away.  This was apperantly my "reason to be born and existence?"  I was the 'one' I was the scapegoat, the chosen, to appease to my adoptive 'family'.  Whether it was a recital for myself and my students to celebrate the hard work we had put in, or if I got a promotion, if I directed and coordinated a big charity event that was successful, it was always stripped away from me.  I thought that this was normal.  I thought it was 'sharing' in the happiness and outcome of what I worked for with my 'family'.  I now realize, it was just forfeiting the credit that I so well deserved.  

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SACRIFICING MYSELF COMPLETELY FOR OTHERS

Being adopted and raised by a malignant narcissist has effected my life greatly.  It was like I was a puppet for this (little girl) woman's mere amusement and pleasure.  Looking back now, I realize it, back then, that was the 'reality' that was created for me.  If I didn't sacrifice my own emotional well being and happiness for this cosmetic adoptive 'family' that I was supposed to be so grateful for, watch out.  It was either the silent treatment, a narc rage from the adoptive 'mother', it was getting physically charged by my adoptive Sister.  

It was exhausting.  I am honestly amazed at how strong of a person I am.  I can't believe that I've been able to survive 3+ decades being used as a psychological/emotional punching bag for this long.  But I did it.  Now, I'm living life for ME.  It took me a long time to get here, and I've got a long way to go.  Severing the ties from these abusive adoptive people has been the hardest struggle of all.  That was the only thing I knew.  I was brought up/raised in this situation.  YEP!  A voiceless, helpless child, in an environment where 'everything's great' to the outside world- when all-the-while, what was REALLY happening was pretty horrific.  When an abusive person has no idea that they are an abuser, it makes it extremely hard for the abused person to strengthen themselves enough to GET AWAY from them.  And this is what happened to me.  

I ONLY HAD MYSELF FOR COMFORT 

I didn't have anyone to help me through the things that were happening to me.  I only had myself.  The more I sought out the truth about the abuse, the worse it would be for me.  It was a constant sacrifice of my comfort to appease to the adopter abusers.

THEY WILL NEVER TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME

I grew up surrounded with a 'mother' figure that was controlling, and suffocating.  I grew up with absolutely NO proper and positive male role model, as I grew up with a 'father' figure that condoned the abuse I received from the malignant narcissist 'mother' figure.  It literally didn't matter what the situation was, what I was doing, it was going to be controlled, I was going to be told I "wasn't telling the truth", etc.  

From as early as I can remember, there was money hidden from me, I was a 'bad kid' some-how, I could be walking around the house, cleaning, and the adoptive 'mother' would literally walk a couple of feet behind me breathing down my neck ridiculing me on every dammed move I made.  IT WAS SUFFOCATING.  My adoptive Brother must've caught on early, because he usually stayed out, and away from the house-hold.... I didn't get that memo.  It literally got to a point where I just walked around like a complete robot, because that was the only "safe-guard" I had to protect myself, by pretending to be a puppet, and pretending to dumb myself down.  It was literally like growing up in one of those carnival crazy mirror house mazes.

The ONE THING, that my core being told me I could NOT let these people take away from me, was my main passion, my piano, and my ability to influence others into becoming well rounded musicians.  The adoptive 'mother', who has probably not had a job for more than 2 years in her whole life just 'loved' to tell me how to teach piano and how I was apparently 'doing it wrong', tell me how to run my business, tried to consistently meddle in my business operations. 

Was I having any of that?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  She could take away anything, as she constantly did from me, she could berate, belittle, dismiss my real self, constantly violate my boundaries- but the one thing I never allowed that psychologically handicapped abuser take from me? 

MY PIANO.  MY ABILITY.  MY CORE STRENGTH AND PASSION.  MY REAL SELF
Believe- you- me, that narc imposer 'mother' tried.  However, she wasn't smart enough to do what she thought.  I am SO dammed proud of myself to say that I built my business up from the ground, and have run it successfully for 9 years.  And what do those abusers have to show for the fact that they completely violated, used a child that they should never have adopted in the first place?  Welp... Ask my other adoptive siblings that are also deeply affected by what these people have done.... Their both in denial.    

They have nothing of my attention, for they are now completely cut out of my life, these idiot adopters that thought it was a 'good thing' to adopt a kid to fit into society;  and will no longer be allowed back around me again.  They are now left on their own to grow old and deal with it.  The abusive adopter can continue to go around pretending like the 'poor wounded doting mother' who's child wont speak to her.  Not my problem any longer.  It was NEVER my problem.  That narcissist just slid threw the cracks, and was able to put on airs for just long enough to convince the outside world that she should be allowed to adopt a child. 

That I don't care about, because I know the truth.  And the truth is, I am proud of myself.  The truth is, I have a special craft and passion that no one will EVER be allowed to take away from me. I have worked for 9 years, influencing, and being a mentor to people, using my influence in the proper way- by mentoring people to believe in themselves, and become well rounded musicians with proper and real knowledge.