June 1st 2019 was World Wide Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day!  If a loved one, or someone you care about finds the courage to open up t you about the abuse they have endured, whether you understand it or not... BELIEVE THEM, and HELP them. One of the main tools in an abusers tool-kit is 'Victim Isolation'. Abusers work aggressively to isolate their victims from any support system they have, that would empower them to seek help. The abuser does this by working to discredit their victims reputation, character, their livelihoods, careers.  The abuser often masks this abuse, bullying and harassment onto the victim by framing their abuse as 'concern' when recruiting other unsuspecting people to work against the victim and place the victim in further danger. The unsuspecting persons are usually not aware that they are placing further harm onto the victim, and think that they are 'helping' the victim, when indeed, if they are in direct communication with the abuser, they are doing the exact opposite.  The abuse does this in order to make others not believe the victim, and to falsify the victims character as 'non credible'.  This makes it terrifying for the victim to continue to reach out to try to seek aid for their own safety and welfare from law enforcement, or to seek and gain protection orders against the abuser that is harassing them.

It's important to know that any individual who tells another to stay away from them, and to cease contacting them, or anyone they are associated with, and the person told to stop continues to do so, this is a violation of another persons privacy, this is exploitation, and a direct violation of a persons fundamental human civil rights.  No one deserves to be stalked or harassed, and no one should allow another person to force themselves into someone elses life when they have been told to cease their abusive behavior.   It does not matter who the person is, abuse is abuse, stalking is stalking, harassment is harassment.  It is against the law, and it is criminal behavior. 

Trying to gain safety, and aid to preserve your own personal welfare as an overcoming victim of abuse can be hard.  This article explains the complexities behind this, and gives great insight about the behaviors of abusive people, and how you can work to get away from them, expose the truth, and gain safety.  CLICK HERE >>>>

One of the toughest realities to come to terms with for an overcoming victim of abuse, is- when family and friends, those the victim thought were their support system, never were.  More often than not, the people in the narcissistic abuse systematic make up, will side with, and comply to the narcissistic abusers behavior to 'save face'.  It's quite the shameful way to behave, and it's very disappointing, especially when it is people that you've known for extended periods of time, even your whole life- who when you finally speak out and tell the truth about what happened to you, dismiss what has happened to you.  It is also very important to know, that unhealthy people seek out vulnerable people in need.  Unfortunately, abusive people see overcoming victims who have experienced abuse and invalidation as easy targets.  If you seek out aid, and are further exploited and violated... DO NOT GIVE UP.  There ARE healthy, proper people out there that want to know the truth and end abuse in the right ways.  

The abuse enabling cycle I spoke of, happens quite often in family units.  There is a lot of shame that is placed over the abuse that has been exposed.  Unfortunately, not everyone is as strong as the overcoming abuse victim who found the courage to speak up and tell the truth.  Many family members, friends, and the like will side with the abuser to preserve the 'reputation' of the family reputation instead of doing the right thing, standing up and protecting the victim of the abuse.  Instead, they make the decision to enable and stay within the abusive cycle.  This is called denial.  I say to you now all over-coming victims of abuse.... this is not your shame to carry.  You are no longer in denial, no longer support shame, abuse, lies, or fallacies.  You support the honest truth, and the whole truth. 

Shame on anyone who behaves in this unhealthy manner.  When someone acuses a victim of lying, and places further manipulation onto the victim- this is what we call 'victim shaming'.  When a person does this, the microscope needs to be pointed directly at that unheatlhy person, NOT the victim.  If this happens to a victim, the victim needs to ensure that they stay away from this kind of person, because they will enable further abusive behavior, and distress onto the overcoming victim, and deter the overcoming victim from moving forward into the light and maintaining the truth. 

Just know, that when these abuser enablers show themselves to you, this is a blessing in disguise when this happens.  What this shows you is, THESE ARE NOT YOUR PEOPLE.  The harsh realization is, they were never your people.  What that does is, helps you get rid of anyone with this kind of unhealthy behavior, and points you in the closer direction to healthy, loving, honest and genuine people who will support and respect you and your boundaries.  This is an amazing thing!  As I've mentioned before, pay attention to those saying they will support you, but never follow through with actually doing so.  A person who genuinely supports you, would place immediate action in preserving your welfare if they learn that you have been harmed.  

​🧐:: It's time that we, as society become more aware of how harmful this is to the people that suffer in isolation every day from this form of abuse, harassment, stalking, and psychological warfare. It places victims in fear, danger, destroys careers, relationships, and objectifies people who are targets of this form of abuse. I know, I am an overcoming victim of narcissistic abuse, who after two years of stalking and harassment at the hands of my abusers after going public, and telling the TRUTH about what happened to me, losing everyone in my life who I thought were supposed to be my support system, is still here. Still standing tall. I was finally able to gain help to stop the stalking legally. However again, it took me 2 YEARS to escape the entrapment and isolation from the abusers who had me isolated for 30 + years. I used to be afraid of using the word #Abuse. Then I educated myself on what was happening to me, and sought out information from professionals to learn, that what I had endured was indeed ABUSE. I stand proud of myself, and I continue to have my voice heard!

​#narcissisticabuseawareness #learnwhatnarcissisticabuseis #abuse#stoptheabuse #stopthemadness #narcissist #womenarabuserstoo#hiddenabuse #narcissisticfemales #adoptionabuse #overcomingabuse#abuseawareness #abusesurvivors #staystrong #metoo #speakup#tellthetruth #thetruthmatters

There are some really great resources out there regarding 'Maternal Narcissism'. I was adopted and raised by a malignant narcissist female. I do not call this lady my mother, as in my mind, she’s just a barren/infertile narcissist who thought she was entitled to call herself a ‘mother’ because she flew under the radar and wasn’t psychologically screened properly and got away with being allowed to adopt a child. But that’s my story, and a story for another time…… One thing that really helped me was of course firstly, educating myself as much as possible on what narcissism is, the behavioral patterns of a narcissist, and learning the different types of narcissism. Things that I started to self actualize were this:
​

• Most/the majority of narcissists run like clock-work. They are very ‘textbook’. Although all personal situations and journeys are going to have different details, one thing seems to always be prevalent, there are textbook narcissist abuser techniques that are used. Whether the narc knows this or not, they are text book, transparent, and NOT SPECIAL, they are just a narc like the rest of them.
• Women are abusers also, doesn’t matter the title of ‘Mother’ or not. As mentioned above, a narc is a narc is a narc, no matter what shape, size or form they come in. Narcissistic abuse is no joke. I personally believe that the majority of the societal ‘norm’ fundamentally believes that Women/Mothers naturally love their children always. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. In our cases, the narc abuser just happened to come in the shape and form of the ‘Mother’.
• There are MANY others like us who have suffered and endured. What I mean by this is, in your and my specific case…. One thing that seriously helped me big time was finally finding others that were like me, in this very specific demographic of being a ‘daughter of a narcissistic mother’. The more I came to realize this, and find my community of fellows that also suffered through what I did, it seriously lightened my grief and feelings of isolation. Not only that, but it validated and empowered me.

GOOD RESOURCES TO LOOK OUT FOR:

1. FACEBOOK GROUPS: A huge one for me was finding Facebook support groups specifically for daughters of narcissistic mothers. If you just shoot that term into the ‘ol Facebook search bar, you should be able to find some good groups. I tell ya, hearing these other members of the groups speaking their truths and experiences, I had an ‘AHA’ moment… as at times, I was like, “WOAH, that person just described exactly what happened to me!”. Not only this, but having a proper and safe space to vent among people that just flat-out ‘get it’ without your having to even explain yourself.
2. ONLINE ARTICLES: I assume since you’ve made it here to Quora, asking the question you did, you’ve probably already came across many articles on narcissism when googling it. One thing that I made sure to do was keep searching and searching the more you find out. The more specific your search terms become, the further information and validation you will find. For instance, in the beginning, I was just searching ‘emotional abuse’, then I would learn, then it turned into ‘ah, that persons a narcissist’, which turned into me searching terms like, ‘maternal narcissism’, and really thinking about things like, what causes maternal narcissism’, etc…..
3. CONNECTING AND NETWORKING: Just like here, connecting with your fellow survivors via social media is HUGE. Not only just in Facebook groups, etc. Many of us, now that we live in the days of technology and social media have come out with blogs and websites. I have done quite a bit of networking, and connecting with my fellow survivors. The more I have done this via the social media networks, the more solid my support system online has become. You end up really narrowing down a core group of people that have very specific shared experiences as you. Just having the piece of mind that your community backs you is HUGE….. Especially when you have to live with the fear of being shut down when your trying to speak out and tell the truth. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all of it. Get as connected as you possibly can and get your troops to back you up, because we’re pretty die hard on having our fellow survivors backs.
4. LEARNING ABOUT NARCISSIST FAMILY ROLES: I found it extremely eye opening to learn about what my role in the typical narcissistic family unit is. Learning and knowing the possible ‘characters’ in the narcissistic family are, and finding where you fit in in this is huge. For instance, I was always the scapegoat. I learned that my adoptive ‘Father is the co-dependent spouse of a narcissist’. Learning that about him was HUGE, because I used to think he was the ‘good one’. Now, learning about co-dependent spouses of narcs has made me realize that he was just as abusive as the narc for not protecting me from it. So putting a descriptor on that, and having it more clear to me seriously helped me make that gray area of feeling ‘sad for poor ‘ol dad’ turn into, “wow, what a sad person without a back bone, he CHOSE not to protect his children”.

IN CONCLUSION
I just want to tell you this now. When speaking earlier about how strong our community of being children of narcissistic mothers is, I want you to know that I’m here for you full-on 110%. There’s literally nothing that you could say or do to turn me away from supporting you as you are a full-blown member of our community.
Please know, (and it’s quite possible you’ve had to face this wrath)- there is a TON of victim shaming and blaming going on, as when you do speak up and speak out about things, there are tons of people out there who will immediately try to attack you, accuse you of lying, etc. No matter what, just remember this- YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE THE EXPERT, YOU LIVED IT. And anyone who victim shames you, is not worth your time. EVER, point-blank no excuses. As these people will show themselves to you and make you realize that they are not your proper and solid support system.  Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Apparent Friend- if anyone is aiding the abuser and damaging your efforts to move forward without understanding what happened to you, they are not your people.  They are not your tribe and it's important to keep yourself protected and away from any person that condones or enables toxic and abusive behavior.

Guest author, Denise Miller speaks regarding narcissistic abuse in adoption.  There are things that need to be clarified regarding hidden abuse.  Denise helps us identify the behaviors of narcissistic, abusive people.  

Narcissists are people who use and manipulate others for personal gain, and feel little to no remorse for harm done. They operate on the belief that they are superior and are entitled to what belongs to others.  Flying monkeys are the people narcissists train up to be loyal to them and have bought into their twist on the truth (lies), specially tailored to suit their desires.  They assist the narcissist in perpetuating their selfish agenda by helping the narcissist abuse their scapegoats (those the narcissist takes advantage of), and also help mitigate their consequences. They keep the narc's toxic secrets.

Flying monkeys are loyal to the narcissist, won through years of hoovering. Hoovering is special attention and praise heaped upon the golden child (their favorite) and the flying monkeys that make them feel "special" and "superior" to the scapegoats.  Flying monkeys don't care if the narcissist is right or wrong, has done good, or evil. Their goal is to protect and assist the narcissist in their selfish agenda and keep their secrets.  They help the narcissist abuse their victims, and so are equally toxic.

Flying monkeys and their golden child are brainwashed and conditioned with "treats", special attention, gifts, and honors doled out by the narc when they are being " good", that is, playing along with the narc.  I don't know about any of you, but if you have ever dealt with or been taken by a narcissist, you learn their ways and see through it.

​As for myself, my loyalty always lies with the truth of what is right, and what is wrong. I will not protect or enable abuse no matter how much I love the person abusing, nor will I cover for them.  I will confront and correct them to protect those they abuse.  Beware, if you confront a narcissist, you will see what we call an episode of narcissistic rage. Their mask falls off and they go in to kill mode, to try and eliminate the threat to their narcissistic agenda. They'll unleash their flying monkeys on you.

Narcissists run like clock work when it comes to their 'relationships'. Due to the fact that narcissists are desperate to ‘fit in’ and look good to society, they are desperate to emulate what normal people have, proper relationships, empathy, real feelings, and caring for others.  
​
Narcissists are empty inside, and they are well aware of this, making them eternally desperate to try to emulate the feeling of empathy. Unfortunately for the narcissist, they do not have the ability to have real feelings and empathy. Because of this, the Narcissists constant efforts to try to appear like they hold this quality destroys anyone that they use to make themselves appear this way in the process.  The narcissist will use anyone that they have to to get what they want, and this is called 'Narcissistic Supply'.